A Letter Home
Dear Comrade Maternal Parent,
I am writing this letter in gravy because the mess sergeant has spilt the ink on my dinner. It is not bad here on Elysee but it is a bit cold. Well, to say it’s a bit cold is like saying that life in Red Blok is a bit repressive but I’m not allowed to say that. At least I’m here with my comrades fighting bravely for the Revolution and winning great victories. Life consists of long periods of boredom and then a flash of intense excitement when we go into battle. I don’t like going into battle and I prefer the long periods of boredom even if it is boring for a long period. I hope I’m not boring you or making you jealous with my stories of the exciting things we do on this frozen ice cube. At least we have TV and Red Blok TV at that.
I love TV and as we all know Red Blok TV is best in galaxy. I like news and current affairs programmes, especially Ivonta Legova our ideologically correct news reader. She can give me headlines any time, well without the lines for preference. Sometimes we watch children’s shows, like Red Petrov, but that is only when we are really bored. Did I mention how boring it is here? The other night we watched a comedy film, Carry On Up the Gulag. It tells story of Commissar who gets caught in compromising position with an imperialist and his attempts to avoid firing squad. It ends in traditional collectivist manner with everyone joining the party in the end and living happily ever after in revolutionary paradise, whether they want to or not. Very funny, in a politically educational way.
Speaking of political education, I haven’t seen Comrade Sergei for a while. I told him not to put picture of Hierarchs in latrine, but would he listen? No, he wouldn’t!
Also we have games like table tennis and darts. On occasion we play table tennis with darts. That livens things up no end. Pass the Grenade is another one that keeps us amused but that can end in tears, or pieces.
The Entertainment and Education sub-collective came the other week to "give us a show”. It was so funny that I almost slit my wrists laughing. The top of the bill was Ivan the Ventriloquist but his dummy was funnier than he was. His best joke was about a group of ONI zombies playing poker. One of them threw his hand in and another laughed his head off. Then they all went to a hotel. "Do you have a bar here?” one of them said. "Yes, shove off” was the commissionaire’s reply. He told a Therian joke but only the electronic warfare specialist and some Therian prisoners got it.
1st Therian: 10011100001101
2nd Therian: 10011100001101?
1st Therian: 1110010101 boom, boom.
Got to go back to front and defend the revolution now so I will sign off.
Your loving son,
PS: So comrades come rally,
and the last fight let us face.
The intersidereal unites the human race.