Red Blok News
Brought to you by The Agitation and Propaganda Sub-Collective
Your ideologically sound newsreader is Ivonta Legova
Good morning comrades and welcome to another beautiful day in collectivist paradise. On today’s programme –
· Gencol engineers a dog that takes itself for a walk, throws and fetches its own balls and cleans its own poop.
· The counter-revolutionary agents who sabotaged the Emerald Mounts offensive are still at large but will soon be apprehended and subjected to collectivist justice. A fair trial and a fair execution.
But first, over to our correspondent on Elysee, Alexander Pistov… (We hear the sound of a vodka bottle being hurriedly pushed out of camera)
Thank you Ivonta (hic); As the first phase of the campaign on Elysee ends the revolution is sweeping north. Our forces have liberated the Restored Fortress and Ice Floe Oscar from alien imperialist and mercenary oppression. They are now poised to advance on both the Abandoned Base and the Underground Base. Of course, the gains we have made will have to be defended but attack is always the best defence, or so my military advisers tell me.
North of us, the capitalists are also advancing and hold the Underground Base and Ice Floe Indy. They seem to be planning an attack on our territory but will be met with all the collectivist resistance we can muster. Therian ambitions have been thwarted and they are confined to the Cursed Fortress and the Abandoned Base. They will soon face the full might of the Red Blok military machine as well as the mercenary hordes of the ONI Corporation as they attempt to defend the Abandoned Base. They will also have to hold back the UNA capitalists as they attack the Cursed Fortress. Only we revolutionaries have the necessary ideological foundation to carry the fight forward. The paper tigers of alien imperialism and capitalist exploitation have nothing to match our collectivist fervour or the moral superiority of our cause. We bring bliss to the universe.
"So comrades come rally,
and the last fight let us face.
The intersidereal unites the human race."